最近英国有个大叔,
冒死上传了一段影片,
引来700万网民围观……
视频加载中...
话说,
大叔的老婆不满他在浴室放太多物品,
没空位放自己的化妆品,
但大叔却向网友大喊冤枉:
「其实我只放了一瓶沐浴露……
把浴室堆满的,其实是她!」
为了呻冤,
幽默的大叔写了一首歌,自弹自唱,
清点他老婆的「浴室军火库」:
露得清、彩丝美、欧莱雅、潘婷、施华蔻,
牌子多到根本数不清……
中英对照歌词:
In our bathroom we have one big shelf
在我家浴室里 有个很宽阔的置物架
She has one side and there's one side for myself
她占了一面 留了另一边给我
Honestly I couldn't a keep a straight face
老实说 我已经不能淡定下去
When she suggested I was taking up too much space
因为她说我占了太多地方
When she's got…
但她却有…
Neutrogena hydro boost water gel cleaner
露得清水活保湿凝露
One a day tablets to make her look leaner
一天一次的减肥药
There's foot cream, body butter, lip balm, a face mask
还有护足霜 身体滋润霜 润唇膏 面膜
Bubble bath, bath crystals, bath bombs, don't ask
泡沬剂 沐浴盐 泡浴球 谁知道那是啥
Tea tree and witch hazel, foaming face scrub
茶树金缕梅系列 泡沫磨砂膏
A little rubber ducky for a big bath tub
泡浴时还要一只橡皮小鸭陪她
There's primers, polish and files for her nails
美甲打底液 指甲油 指甲刀
All for 50 pence from the January sales
全都是在一月大减价用50p买来的
Copy perfumes from a guy named Keith
她还有一个叫Keith的香水
False nails, false eyelashes, even false teeth
假指甲 假睫毛 甚至假牙
There's foaming shower mousse, anti-wrinkle cream
泡沬沐浴慕斯 抗皱霜
Blackhead remover that works by steam
去黑头蒸气机
Four gold earrings which I found in the hoover
我在吸尘器里找到两副金耳环
There's TRESemme, L'oreal and makeup remover
彩丝美 欧莱雅 卸装水
Pantene, Garnier, Schwarzkopf, Finesse
潘婷 卡尼尔 施华蔻 菲奈诗
Nine hairbrushes and her hair's a f**king mess
光是梳子就有九把 但她的头发还是**的乱
And I’m hogging the shelf she thinks
但她还是觉得我占了整个架子
When on my side of the shelf there's one lonely tin of lynx
然而 在我那一边 只有一小瓶寂寞的凌仕沐浴露
She got a pack of round plasters for the back of her shoe
她有贴在鞋背的创可贴
And three hair straighteners and dry shampoo
三个头发夹直器和干洗洗发剂
There's wet wipes, dry wipes, baby powder, tampax
湿纸巾 干纸巾 爽身粉 卫生绵条
This ain't made up, these are the facts
不是我吹 还真有这回事
There's imperfection purifying hydrating gel
净化水凝保湿霜
Sickly perfumes that make a sickly smell
还有散发恶心气味的恶心香水
There's Gucci, Armani, Diesel, Dior
古驰 阿玛尼 迪赛尔 迪奥
Hugo Boss, Poison, wait there's more she got
雨果博斯 毒药香水 等下 还不止了
White linen, Alien, Joop, Calvin Klein
她还有雅诗兰黛 异型 乔普 卡尔文·克莱恩
Chanel numbers one, two, three, four and five
香奈儿1 2 3 4 5号
She got teeth whitener, floss, a single blade bic
她有牙齿美白粉 牙线 单刃剃刀
A shower shell, a shower cap. What a shower of s**t
浴帽什么的 一堆有的没的
And I'm hogging the shelf she thinks
但她还是觉得我占了整个架子
When on my side of the shelf there's one lonely tin of lynx
然而 在我那一边 只有一小瓶寂寞的凌仕沐浴露
She got hairspray with keratin and extra firm hold
她有含角蛋白的特强发胶
It's got extra shine, extra volumising,
很亮 很丰盈
Good to go with heat defence, frizz-free volumising coif
最好配上防晒防卷的头巾
Do yourself a favour shave the f**er off
拜托你把头剃光好了
She got a fan brush, powder brush, a blusher brush, a liner brush
她有扇形刷 蜜粉刷 腮红刷 眼线刷
And one for down below she keeps a little hush
还有她下面的「闰密」用的刷
Concealer, cleanser, serum, Vaseline
遮瑕膏 洁面乳 精华素 凡士林
Face peel, lip liner, factor 50 sun screen
焕肤 唇线笔 防晒霜
Mascara, nail files and acne pads
睫毛膏 指甲刀 痘痘绵
Sometimes I wish I'd married one of the lads
有时我想干脆嫁个男的就算了
There's lip gloss, primer, little cotton balls
唇彩 妆前唇霜 小小绵花球
Femfresh spray for her little cotton smalls
还用Femfresh喷雾来清洁绵质小裤裤
And I'm hogging the shelf she thinks
但她还是觉得我占了整个架子
When on my side of the shelf there's one lonely tin of lynx
然而 在我那一边 只有一小瓶寂寞的凌仕沐浴露
* * *
影片爆红后,
网民纷纷表示有同感!
▼ 歌又好听又真相了。
我的架子上只有个背包,但我老婆有整整两个浴室的化妆品!
▼ 这歌太棒了,我敢保证每‧一‧个跟女人同居的男人都身同感受!
▼ 那么多东西,你这个架子是有多大啊?怕不是半个浴室吧哈哈!!
▼ 最新消息:他老婆已抢走吉他,把他的头砸个稀巴烂!
* * *
其实这个男人叫Ceri Haggett,
住在伦敦,
平常就喜欢作曲,自弹自唱。
他为了写这首歌,
把所有品牌名称都查了一遍,
才能写出如此幽怨感十足的歌。
影片传出后,
大家都很担心Haggett的安危,
都在想他是跪榴莲还是键盘。。。
Haggett说:
「我老婆只说了一句,
要我拍影片前最好刮一刮胡子。」
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